gaspar hernandez · north coast · dominican republic
(the airbnb now calls her "HACIENDA TALA — hilltop luxury estate". she got a promotion. we knew her before she was famous)
|
** MTV CRIBS: DOMINICAN REPUBLIC EDITION ** (it plays on mute like a fancy screensaver. press the volume thing 4 the full experience) |
*** THE FACTS *** 
|
|
WHAT:: a villa on top of a hill with breathtaking views of one of the most pristine beaches on the north coast (their words. but also true) BEDROOMS:: ELEVEN. CONFIRMED by the airbnb itself. every single one has a KING BED. ten of them have their OWN BATHROOM (13 bathrooms total!!). NO SHARING. NO BUNK BEDS. we r adults now. sleeps 16+ THE GOODS:: infinity pool  hot tub · outdoor bar with a BIG SCREEN TV · outdoor showers · a whole separate COMMERCIAL KITCHEN with chefs on site (we will be eating like kings. dominican kings) · an actual GYM · a whole SPA with an INFRARED SAUNA and a COLD PLUNGE (u WILL b peer pressured) · and the beach is 3 MINUTES awaySUNSETS:: ocean + mountain views. allegedly the sunsets r unreal. i will be verifying this personally every nite at the outdoor bar FLIGHT INFO IS LIVE ON THE MAIN PAGE!!! short version:: santiago (STI) = half the price of POP, book 2+ months out or pay gringo prices |
*** WhErE eVeN iS iT?? ***
 ■ yellow route = from POP (close, pricey flights) · ■ green route = from STI (lil further, HALF price flights) cartography by SOSA. she drew this from memory. she has never been there. accuracy: vibes only [ open a REAL map (boring) ] |
*** ThE GrAnD ToUr (ACTUAL PHOTOS!!) ***
real pics of the real villa. click any pic 4 the FULL SIZE (warning: file is huge, very 2026, sosa apologizes 2 ur data plan) |
 theres a SPA. an ACTUAL SPA. i am not making this up anymore infrared sauna + COLD PLUNGE. u will b peer pressured into the plunge. it will b filmed the gym is REAL and its actually nice?? "we will use it" — everyone, lying the beach:: THREE (3) minutes away main house pool + lounge. ur new office the villa. on the hill. u SEE it?? thats the one the pool. its infinity. it goes 4ever (like this party) pool again but ARTSY outdoor loungin zone (this is where the sunsets get verified) indoor couch zone 4 when u r 2 sunburnt the table where we will all eat 2gether like a big weird family THE COMMERCIAL KITCHEN. the chefs work here. we do not go in there. we simply receive a bathtub with a VIEW. u deserve this theres a GYM. lol. ok. sure. "we will use it" statue guy blowing his shell trumpet. he goes SO hard. hes on the guest list |
*** ThE RoOmS (claim ur bed!!) ***
HOW IT WORKS:: rooms go 2 whoever confirms FIRST (RSVP "going" on the main page + drop ur name here). couples claim once ("Reuben & Masha"). SOSA has final say on ALL disputes. sosa runs this like a bodega: first come first served, regulars get looked after, and everything is negotiable for a lil piece of turkey. dont kvetch to alex, alex has no power here. and LISTEN UP:: if u drop ur name on a room u r 100% COMMITTED. this is not window shopping. u claim it, u r IN. no backsies, no "lemme think about it". sosa shook on it and a handshake from sosa is BINDING (she has no thumbs. she makes it work) (UPDATE:: the airbnb finally posted pics of ALL 11 rooms — so every room below is now showing its ACTUAL REAL photo. every room = KING BED. ten have their own bathroom. claim with confidence) |
|
|
